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As I mentioned in my last post, I moved to Bellingham over the summer from Upstate New York. In deciding my next career move, you’d have thought that heading somewhere a bit closer to home would be more ideal. But I saw bigger opportunities in other states.
You’d imagine I would have been more rational, or at least more sensible, in scouting out my next home. Pennsylvania, or Vermont, or even Massachusetts would’ve been competitive options (respectfully, New Jersey is out of the question on this one).
At the end of the day, I chose to trade in the land of Wegmans and lake effect snowstorms for towering firs and Puget Sound.
But why Washington?
In 2009, I wasn’t too sure of my place in the world. I wouldn’t necessarily call that time of my life a “dark period,” but I was struggling with a variety of issues that made me feel like I was constantly confined. Whether it was my physical environment or my own thoughts, I could never seem to get out of the rut.
That April, I got on a plane for the first time – ever – and flew out to SeaTac to visit family that had just moved back to the Seattle metro area. We spent over a week sampling cheesecakes and salmon jerky at Pike Place Market, taking pictures at every angle from the top of the Space Needle, attempting to become the next rock sensation at the Experience Music Project (now the MoPOP), and exploring the home turf of Ken Griffey Jr. (right around the time he hit his 400th home run as a Mariner!).
I couldn’t seem to shake the city from my mind when I returned home. I suddenly realized I had a life experience under my belt that led me down a path I never thought possible. Seattle- and by association, Washington state- inspired me to begin writing more. I developed a vision where I’d move out there to go to college, and to fully immerse myself in the arts and atmosphere to become the ideal version of myself.
At one point, I recall telling my mom later that year that I wanted to apply to WSU (never mind that the school is in Pullman, my vision was highly unrealistic), and I was met with a firm: “No.”
“Why Washington? You’re staying in New York for college. That’s what we can afford.”
The vision eventually went away. I went to a state college in New York, and I was just getting my feet wet in the realm of radio when I travelled back to the greater Seattle area at the end of 2013. While we did venture back to some of our favorite spots, there were also new areas to explore. We crossed the border and spent a day in Vancouver. There were parts of the downtown area we hadn’t seen before, such as this rooftop view:
While my circumstances had changed greatly since 2009, I wasn’t 100% sure of myself at this point in my life, either. I had a lot of options to mull over. We were about to head into a new year. Friends around me were getting their lives together. I had a feeling I’d be making dishwasher money for the second summer in a row. I was still writing and creating – to the best of my ability – but there was also a lot of pressure to find something more stable. I had given up on the possibility of moving out West for the time being. Not at least until I was much older, I thought. But how long is a person willing to wait before their dream dies out?
After graduation, I made a series of life choices that can best be described as “settling,” especially when it came to where I lived. I was never really satisfied with the situations I put myself in. I lost interest in many of the creative avenues I had once been so attached to. Even when given the opportunities at work, I felt like I was on auto-pilot.
Nothing was made for the sake of entertainment, or art, or creation. It just needed to get done.
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Fast forward to June 2021. I’m helping my best friend pack up their entire life before they move to Oregon. I’m unbelievably jealous, but excited that they get to experience something that I’m not convinced I ever will. We plan trip ideas for when I can eventually afford to fly out to Portland. I promise to send over authentic New York bagels. They help me apply for a few more jobs across the country- just to see where I can “settle” next. New Orleans. Manhattan. South Carolina. Buffalo- why not?
A few weeks after they left, a job posting in Bellingham caught my attention. I didn’t have a clue where Bellingham was, but I knew it was in Washington.
The question, “Why Washington?” now became “Why NOT Washington?”
(If you’re reading this, I got the job)
I realize it’s only been a few months. But I’ve had a lot of time since I landed here to reflect, explore, and create. Every once in a while, I’ll head down to adventure in Seattle and revisit some of my favorite spots. And for the first time in my adult life, I feel a sense of pride in telling people where I live. I shied away from that kind of confidence in other cities because it was only temporary; I was just “settling.”
There’s a better way to describe how I’ve been feeling since I got here, I suppose. Is there an all-encompassing word that conveys the feeling of having a weight you didn’t know about lifted from your shoulders, giving you time to breathe, and breaking up all the darkness in your mind that clouded your passions?
I think the word I’m looking for is “satisfied.”