It’s hard to believe that Easter is just around the corner. 2022 has flown by so quickly for me- not sure about everyone else, but I’ve caught myself struggling to announce the month we’re in during The Morning News (compulsion keeps wanting me to say March instead). The passage of time, in recent years at least, has had a sense of uncertainty. In my social circles, “time doesn’t exist” has become a common catchphrase.

That phrase has heralded new meaning during my journey through the highly restrictive diet plan I began at the start of Orthodox Lent. When speaking to health professionals recently, it was strange for me to tell them that I had been doing this for over a month. If you had asked me a year ago if I thought I’d be capable of giving up so many of the foods I loved for an extended period of time, I would’ve shot the idea down immediately. Granted, at this time last year, I was in the early phases of figuring out why I was in so much pain. I was already cutting back on dairy. I was taking new supplements and seeing specialists. I was hoping that the issue was minor enough to go away with those alone. However- as history has proven- some things just don’t go to plan.

But sometimes, you end up on a path you didn’t think was possible.

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I prepped and planned for this journey in every way possible. The tricky part of this plan in particular was avoiding seasoned foods. Onion and garlic powders have always been my go-to when it came to putting dinner on the table. What would I ever do without them? My alternatives included infused oils (which I’ve been using often and frequently), chives, and the dark greens of scallions. Those have worked out… for now. It just doesn’t taste the same without the real deal.

I knew that it was possible to slip up easily, if I wasn’t careful. I made a handful of mistakes within the first week alone. A package of crackers that I thought was safe ended up containing garlic powder- and I learned that after I ate the entire package. Ingredient checking every single item at the grocery store before I buy it is now my #1 priority. And don’t even get me started on going out to eat- if at all. I visited a local eatery during the first week of this meal plan, and inadvertently consumed something with honey in it. Can’t have that, either. Would you believe I also didn’t know there was honey in the product until after I consumed the whole thing? Oy.

It’s not like there are 0 total takeout options for us low-FODMAP folks. Most French fries are ok, as long as they’re just seasoned with salt and pepper. Sushi is also a safe bet. Teriyaki is surprisingly ok, but I can’t get my usual order of gyoza on the side (they’re made with wheat flour). A small price to pay for now, but as long as I can still enjoy my steamed rice and char-grilled teriyaki salmon, I’m a happy camper.

Pictured: an example of what Low-FODMAP-O-Vision* looks like on a teriyaki meal (*patent pending).

Now, you’re probably wondering if this whole plan has been making me feel better.

Short answer: yes. But it’s hard to admit that.

You see, when you’re constantly on edge because you don’t know when you’re going to double over in pain again, any period of time without being in pain is just another waiting game. I’m always anticipating the worst case scenario with my own body. As I said before, I’ve slipped up. This entire experience hasn’t been perfect, and when I do mess up, I feel like I’m back at square one again.

That said, I am noticing some improvements. I’ve got a bit more energy during my show- and on the weekends too! I’ve also lost a skooch of weight. It may not mean anything in that context, but ever since I began to tackle my pain in early 2021, I’ve lost about 20 lbs. I’ve been so used to gaining weight my entire life. It’s still surreal for me to see the number go down in a healthy way for the first time… ever.

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I originally planned on staying on this diet plan until April 23rd, which marks the end of Orthodox Lent. But remember earlier in this blog when I said that sometimes you end up on a path you didn’t expect?

About a week and a half into this adventure, my sister casually mentioned that she was getting Facebook ads for an enzyme powder that promised to alleviate the symptoms I was experiencing. Specifically, the ad claimed that it would let people on permanent low-FODMAP diets eat foods with garlic, gluten, or dairy again- pain-free! It sounded too good to be true. But I tucked the idea away and decided to ask a medical professional about it.

Imagine my shock when she told me to “go for it, what’s the worst that could happen?”

…

Ok, it didn’t go exactly like that. But she read up on the research behind the product, determined it was mostly credible (minus the sample size of the studies done, which were “not large enough to make solid conclusions”), and told me: “You’ve got some homework to do. Try this product out, see what happens. Let’s check back in, say, three months and see how it’s working.”

I ordered the enzyme powder that very day.

It arrived less than a week later, full of instructions and pamphlets with all the science behind it broken down into very simple concepts (probably a good time to mention that I skipped chemistry in high school). I’m going to try and reintroduce my favorite flavors very, very slowly within the coming weeks. Part of me wants to finish my original goal of getting through 7 full weeks of Lenten abstention of those flavors. But the other part of me wants to be able to accept an invitation out to dinner again AND without having to pore through the menu beforehand. To be able to grocery shop without ingredient-checking every single item. To be able to make dinner the way I want it to taste, not the way I have to.

I’m sure I’ll resolve my own conflict in due time. But for now, I’m going to go back to my rice cakes and peanut butter.